There was not coffee in that nebula

My page is a bunch of random geeky posts with some personal posts and a whole lot of Kate Mulgrew. I love all the Star Treks but Voyager is my favorite. I also love Stargate and X files so you can expect some of that and some of whatever else I find funny. I like to edit Janeway to wear random stuff like holiday stuff for my icon. If you want to see those they're under the Janeway Edits link below. Some of my most popular edits are the Naughty Noodles so there is a link to those too. I also have a vast knowledge of Star Trek jokes and pick up lines so if you ever want one just ask :) I guess that's the "about me" of my page if you wanna know about me as a person feel free to click the "more about me" link.

You know I wanna say sorry but I’m really not.

5 months was a really long time. And considering all of the shit that’s happened this summer, I did better than anyone could have expected of me.

Honestly I know I could have fought through this one and made it

but I didn’t want to.

I don’t want to anymore right now. In a couple months when my life calms down I can try again. But until then there is no need to add more onto my life than what I already have.

I know you guys were rooting for me and I’m sorry that I’m disappointing you but I’m really not sorry for doing it. Fighting has been killing me and if I don’t have to fight it anymore then that’s a huge weight lifted off me.

I did expect to feel a lot better than I do now but at lease I'm feeling sorta better and 'sorta better' is a lot better than 'horribly worse' tw cutting

So I started a separate Youtube channel where I’ll just upload lyric videos for Warp 11 songs. They have 90 songs so it’s gonna take me a while but I’ll upload them as I make them.

(Unless do you guys think I should add all the songs right away with just a picture and no lyrics and then just replace each video as I make lyric videos?)

Anyway so far I have 3 songs done:

She Make It So

Rage Against the Federation

Boldly Go Down on Me

p.s. If you wanna follow my normal channel where I mainly post Voyager fanvids or whatever they’re called

Warp 11 the most wonderful band in the world nothing but star trek songs dirty star trek songs aww how cute the first time she ever asks Chakotay for his 'stick' and the first time she ever plays with someone's balls wait what

Sooooo when I was making that playlist of Star Trek songs I ended up “stumbled upon” a bunch of songs I didn’t have and now I have 151 strictly star trek songs Star Trek songs plus 42 songs by actors from TOS and there’s a band called S.P.O.C.K. but only half their songs are about Star Trek and the other 15 are about space and aliens in general. So basically I now have over 200 songs related to Star Trek. (only 122 of those 200 aare on the playlist because most the Warp 11 songs aren’t on Youtube but I’m working on getting the videos up so I can add them all

Plus there’s the 4 Star Wars songs from Voltaire’s Bitrekual cd & I have at least 40 other song about various fandoms and other geeky stuff (I think that’s an under estimate but i lost count)

I have almost 250 song that show off my true geeky-ness and I couldn’t be happier!

Star Trek Trekkie life spot

guess what happened today!

I broke a tooth!

Now I know what you’re thinking

But Lyla you broke your tooth in June

yes. yes I did.

But I also broke one today

not even 5 minutes after I jokingly said “what’s the worst that could happen, I could break a tooth”

Now I know what you’re thinking again

you broke 2 teeth in 1 summer that’s a lot of bad luck for 1 summer

but no that’s not a lot of bad luck

I also broke my phone, my car broke again, I was broke all summer because I couldn’t get a job until 2 weeks ago, my dad admitted that he doesn’t kick me out because he doesn’t think I can make it as an adult, my mother admitted that my immediate family members don’t like me usually and I changed for the worse when I was 17 (4 years ago), my mother has changed my opinion on my bipolar because from ages 13-21 I thought that it was just something that was going to make it harder for me to be normal but my mother has informed me that I’m wrong and no matter what I do, even when I take my pills, I will never be normal or as good as a normal person. oh and don’t forget when my mom admitted that when she’s suicidal it is because “she’d rather die than be my mom”. And she’s still convinced there was nothing wrong with telling me that/ Which that alone has fucked me up so much. because it’s like ‘my mom would rather die than be my mom’ and ‘my mom does not love me enough to want to stay alive’ and that’s enough to fuck up someone but on the other hand I’m like ‘that was like a month ago maybe even 2 why am I still fucked up?’ and there’s the whole thing about how I was the one that said the words not mom. I told her that when she says she’s suicidal it sounds to me like she was rather be dead than be my mom and she doesn’t love me enough to stay alive and she said that’s exactly how she feels. So she still feels it and I can be fucked up. But she didn’t physically say those words and it’s been sometime so I’m probably fucked up for still being fucked up. But that seems an awful lot like when abuse victims blame themselves and what mom says sounds kinda like verbal/emotional abuse sometimes so I’m fucked up for not realizing how fucked up I am. But also I’m a drama queen and I’m fucked up for thinking that what she says to me is abuse and for even thinking that I might be fucked up for not being fucked up makes me fucked up. Does that make sense? Yeah it doesn’t to me either. I’m so fucked up I can’t even figure out how fucked up I am.

So yeah 2 teeth is not a lot of bad luck. THAT is a lot of bad luck.

Ok I know again what you’re thinking

But Lyla you seem so calm and put together right now

I’m fairly certain I’m growing dangerously close to mental break down

and school starts next week.

yayyyy

AND YET even with all of this shit happenig I've gone 5 months without cutting I am a fucking warrior princess just kidding I'm a fucking piece of shit that can't do anything right and can't get my shit together and my 19 year old sister is looking at getting an apartment and i'm sitting on my fat 21 year old ass not even able to call the VA without anxiety and I want to be happy for her but I know for a fact that her and my parents are going to throw it in my face saying that if my little sister can do that then why the fuck can't I do anything right tw suicide tw cutting

delete-the-wife:

I DON’T CARE THAT DERRICK’S WIFE DELETED HER TWITTER!!!

by the way I have absolutely no idea who derrick or his wife is. I’m just really annoyed of seeing posts about it when I search my url.

Like usually I’ll see replies to me and stuff about me but then sometimes I’ll see people anon asking other people why they deleted their wives or asking them to delete pictures of their wives (this happens more than you expect) and then every now and then they’ll be random porn gifs for whatever reason but usually it’s about me geez that sounds self centered I just want to know if people reply to my asks!

But there’s been a bunch of posts about Derrick and his wife who apparently deleted her twitter

apparently someone sent her a picture that looked like derrick was gonna kiss some chick who he was really hugging? I have no idea what's happening are these famous people? like does anyone know a famouse person named derrick with a twitterless wife? twitterless I feel like that sounds really dirty I'm also sleep deprived so what do I know oh geez school starts next week do you realize that I'm going to be slleep deprived all the time now?! mind you I could just get some self control and go to sleep at a decent hour nahhhh

enterprisedating:

The road from here to there isn’t the only thing that’s long.

It makes me so happy that you actually used one of the pick up lines I made up :D

Btw everyone enterprisedating is a beautiful blog that is strictly Star Trek pick up lines. It’s where I get a lot of my pick up lines from and now they’re getting some from me!

I forgot that I sent them a lonk to my archive of pick up lines link*

I DON’T CARE THAT DERRICK’S WIFE DELETED HER TWITTER!!!

Over 120 songs about Star Trek

delete-the-wife:

I’ve been downloading a lot of songs about Star Trek lately. When my collection got to be over 100 songs I felt like it was my duty as a Trekkie to make a YouTube playlist to share with the world. Most the songs are about Star Trek but there are some Star Trek actors singing non-Trek songs at the end of the playlist.

Here is the link to the full YouTube playlist

I’ve also created a list of each song on the playlist with direct links to those songs under the ‘read more’

I hope you enjoy and as always LLAP =/\=

Read More

this is so relevent

How do you win a battle you’re getting tired of fighting?

I've tried and I've tried But it's so fucking hard and it gets even harder when people belittle it and make you feel like you are shit anyway and after today I'm almost completely convinced God doesn't want me to fight this anymore and I don't want to fight anymore So what's the point lyla whines like a baby